Loving Beauty
by For My Personal Pleasure
Summary: Hidden feelings and dangerous distance is threatening the twins. Kaoru is confused by what he wants and what he believes is right. Hikaru knows what he wants, but how can he get it if he's being pushed away? *WILL REMAIN COMPLETE AT ALL TIMES BUT WILL BE WORKED ON*
1. B-e-a-utiful

**This is just a little one-shot I thought of when I was listening to some music. This is a songfic, maybe just partially. I hope you enjoy it and if you don't like the song, I'm sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own OHSHC.**

**Song: B-e-a-utiful by Megan Nicole**

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_**B-e-a-utiful**_

It was hard sometimes being a twin; especially when you had to be the mature one. It wasn't exactly a role Kaoru cared too much for, but he knew it was the right thing to do. That was the only reason he had decided to take it on. Of course, he was also doing it because he knew Hikaru needed the guidance.

But sometimes he wanted to do things his way. Kaoru didn't want to have to worry about how his decisions affected all of those around him. He hated knowing that people were relying on him, consciously or not. He didn't like that heavy-bearing weight of that knowledge of his shoulders. It was annoying and bothersome, and just downright depressing.

He was the nice twin, always making sure his brother was happy. He lived for Hikaru's genuine smile and overjoyed laughter. It was much better than his fake smirk and sarcastic chuckle. It was more rich, full of glee and beauty.

Kaoru loved his brother with everything inside him. There were just moments where he wondered if he felt the same way. Did Hikaru strive to see the light in his eyes to shine through and take over his features like he did? Did the older twin want to see Kaoru strive to open up and embrace new things? Did his older brother love him unconditionally, and love him for the beauty inside instead of the outside appearance?

He knew that asking himself these questions wouldn't help him, or his brother. They weren't good for anyone really, but they were there. They were always there and were always drifting through his head when he saw them. It wasn't good for him to think like this; it was only distracting him from making Hikaru happy.

But sadly, it seemed as though Hikaru was becoming more and more happy without him.

It hurts, yes, but it was necessary. He needed to move on from him. Kaoru needed to focus on the task at hand, which was easier said than done.

He had to figure out how to get his brother and Haruhi together. They hung out a lot - with or without him - and they shared nice laughs. Hikaru's true laugh, the one that had Kaoru either crying or laughing with him. They understood the other's jokes sometimes.

Kaoru knew this was what was best for his twin. Haruhi was a lovely girl; she was mature and pretty and knew how to handle herself. She could take care of Hikaru and his rash personality. The commoner knew how to calm him down, and when she didn't, she would learn.

_She's good for him_, Kaoru reminded himself for the thousandth time. _Besides, he'll need to learn to not rely on his baby brother all the time, too_.

Though the thought rang true, it was like a fierce jab at his heart. He knew what the pain was caused from, but he didn't feel it was necessary to tell anyone about it. It was sure to fade in no time. After all, he was the nice twin and he had his brother to care for. He didn't have time to stress about his own problems and feelings.

However many times he's told himself this, Kaoru couldn't shake the overwhelming sensation of sadness and a twinge of anger. He wanted to do things his way, but he never got the chance.

Kaoru wanted his brother to notice him a lot more like he used to.

He wanted his brother to rush up to him and sling an arm around his shoulders like he used to.

He wanted Hikaru to love him like he loved him, instead of her.

Instead of her.

Those three words were selfish and Kaoru knew it. But he didn't care. He wanted to be the irrational twin for once. The one that didn't think before he acted. The one who busted into a fit of rage and jealousy.

Not the one who had to be mature and think of his consequences.

Sighing, Kaoru took a seat on the edge of the fountain in the school's garden. He trailed his fingers through the soft water, watching the small ripples he created. He could see his reflection perfectly. On his face was a sad smile.

_She read me a note he left on her bed._

_Snuck in the room right after she left and put petals on the ground_.

Kaoru stared into the reflection's eyes, taking note how they looked like his twin's except sad and life-deprived. His brother's were bright and ecstatic.

_Her head on his shoulder, they walk down the hall._

_I'm left to wonder, will I ever fall in love?_

Blinking, he let the memories on the edge of his mind take over as he thought back to how much fun the two of them had together. Alone together. Just the two of them.

_And where is he now?_

He looked up, tired of being accused by his own eyes, and noticed that he could look right up into the window of the abandoned Music Room where the Host club was held.

_She's with him, I'm in the backseat._

_Know it's not right, but it hurts when they're laughing._

He could make out strawberry blonde hair identical to his own and a patch of brunette beside it. Smiles shined down at him, unaware of him watching them from below.

I've never been where they are

...

I wanna be blown away, wanna be swept off my feet! I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe!

A numb ache had settled in his chest at the memories and now the pain had increased steadily.

I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true!

Why couldn't Hikaru be happy with just him? Why couldn't Kaoru be enough for his twin? Was there something wrong with him?

_Wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you!_

_Just call me beautiful, call me beautiful, call me beautiful._

_Why do I have to feel like this? _Kaoru asked mentally.

_Call me B-e-a-utiful..._

_Why does it have to hurt so much? _The question rang out in his mind.

_Friday night, she wore his jersey to the game._

_In the front row, screaming out his name as he turns to her and smiles._

Careful not to shatter, Kaoru got up and walked away from the fountain. Away from the window that revealed his happy brother with the girl her loved.

_Everywhere I look, people holding hands._

_When am I gonna get my chance at love?_

_My chance at love..._

_'Cause she's with him, I'm still hurting._

_Try to pretend, but it's not working._

_I just wanna be where they are._

Kaoru found himself wandering the halls, thinking back to the time where everything was just them - just Hikaru and Kaoru. That's how it was suppose to be. But now she was here, between them, separating them, and it hurt. It hurt Kaoru so much, but he didn't show it. He was the mature twin.

_I wanna be blown away, wanna be swept off my feet!_

_I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe!_

_Why can't Hika understand I want him? _Kaoru mentally whined. _I want him to pick me, instead of her. I'm always there for him!_

_I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true!_

_Wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you!_

_I sacrifice everything for his happiness, and I get nothing in return. He always picks her._ His vision was becoming blurry.

_Just call me beautiful, call me beautiful!_

_Call me beautiful!_

_I should just... _His mind finally trailed off. Too fried from emotion to continue.

_Call me B-e-a-utiful_...

Kaoru passed through the hallways, ignoring the few students who were wandering about that looked at him weird. They were beneath his notice at the moment. No one mattered except him.

_My heart is waiting for your love._

_My hand is waiting for your touch._

_My lips just wanna be kissed by you_.

Every part of him screamed for him to turn around. His instincts told him to head the opposite way, but he ignored them.

He had to compose himself before he got there.

_I wanna be blown away, wanna be swept off my feet!_

_I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe!_

Each step was hard to take, but he managed to do it. Each calming breath was hard to take in, but he did it.

_I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true!_

_Wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you!_

He was losing himself slowly, but he was the nice twin so it was okay. As long as Hikaru's smiles were genuine and his laughter was real and bubbly.

_Just call me beautiful, call me beautiful!_

_Call me beautiful, call me B-e-a-utiful!_

Nothing mattered anymore, except Hikaru. He always seemed to matter.

_Beautiful, call me beautiful!_

_Call me beautiful, call me B-e-a-utiful!_

_If he thinks Haruhi is pretty...what does he think of me?_

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**Alright so tell me what you think. I've been considering making this thing a big thing of songfic-one-shots, but I can't decide. Review and tell me if I should or not:) Thank you!**

**-For My Personal Pleasure**


	2. Serial Killer

**Okay! I am on a roll! I've been debating for a while now about whether or not I should continue on with the whole songfic-one-shot series, and I've come up with an answer. I think I will! I've gotten quite a few reviews saying that I should and I will! Oh, but I'll be updating at random, too, and it'll remain COMPLETE as well. I have no real reason why except that it'll lessen the stress for me somehow. Okay, enough with my babbling. ****_Onward!_**

**Special Thanks To: ****_Reviews~_**

**Digidestined Ninja of Sunshine, Pink-haired Lady, Smiley Face1223, MysticXHope, Mimi-dudette, and PerfectingSilence**

_**Favorites~**_

**Smiley Face1223, Pink-haired Lady, MeeLoveInuYasha, G.M.I.R., PerfectingSilence, and Ashley528**

_**Follows~**_

**MysticXHope, Mimi-dudette, MeeLoveInuYasha, PerfectingSilence, and Ashley 529**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own OHSHC!**

**Song: Serial Killer by Lana Del Rey**

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_**Serial Killer**_

Hikaru was careful when he slipped out from beneath the warm covers of their bed. He didn't want to wake up Kaoru; he didn't want to cause his little brother any more hassle than he already did.

_Wish I may, wish I might find my one true love tonight._

_Do you think that he could be you?_

_If I pray really tight, get into a fake bar fight, while I'm walking down the avenue. _

_f I lay really quiet, I know that what I do isn't right, I can't stop what I love to do._

His brother was a sweet thing, constantly worrying about him and making sure to put his needs and wants before his own. Kaoru was always working at making others happy, and this was what worried him.

_So I murder love in the night, watching them fall one by one, they fight._

_Do you think you'll love me too-oo-oo?_

_Baby, I'm a sociopath, sweet serial killer._

_On the warpath, 'cause I love you just a little too much._

_A little too much...much...much...much._

Pulling on a pair of Kaoru's sweatpants, Hikaru silently tiptoed across their room, making his way to a set of French doors. Once he placed a hand on a golden knob, Hikaru glanced back to their bed. He could see the steadily breathing, dreaming form of his twin. There was a ruffled mass of strawberry blonde hair that poked up from underneath the covers and stretched across his pillow. Though he was too far away, Hikaru could picture the serene face of his sibling.

_You can see me, drinking cherry cola, sweet serial killer._

_Said you know I love the thrill of the rush...rush...rush...rush._

_You send me right to heaven._

_Sweet serial killer, I guess I'll see him over._

Keeping this cute image in his mind, he swiftly turned the handle and disappeared outside. The cool air enveloped him as he silently closed the door as quickly as he could. He waited several moments to make sure a gust of night air didn't wake up Kaoru. Oh, what a pain that would be for Hikaru. To wake up the person he fled from to think about.

_Do it for the thrill of the rush._

_Love you just a little too much, much._

_I guess I'll see him over._

_I love you just a little too much._

_Love you just a little too much, much._

Sighing, he turned and shuffled to the bar of the balcony. He folded his arms and rested against them on the ledge, looking out at the view. It always helped him to come out at night whenever his mind wouldn't shut off, which wasn't often. Usually the warm embrace of his twin was enough to knock him out for the late hours until morning, but lately he's been deprived of those addicting, small arms.

_My black fire's burning bright._

_Maybe I'll go out tonight._

_We can paint the town in blue._

_I'm so hot, I ignite, dancing in the dark and I shine._

_Like a light, I'm luring you._

With a frown, Hikaru ran a hand messily through his hair. He couldn't understand his brother anymore; he was becoming closed off and depressed. Yes, even Hikaru noticed this strange behavior. Kaoru was always wandering off, usually around the time when they would meet up with Haruhi. And he would always have this confused, terrified look in his beautiful eyes when they performed their Brotherly Love act for their clients.

_Sneak up on you, really quiet, whisper, "Am I what your heart desires?"_

_I could be your ingénue._

_Keep you safe and inspired._

_Baby, let your fantasies unwind._

_We can do what want to do-oo-oo._

It made him wonder if Kaoru could tell what he was thinking in the back of his head. He knew it was impossible, but a part of him worried if Kaoru could see the utter adoration and insane infatuation that he had to hide whenever he was around. He always felt a sweet, warm rush whenever he was with Kaoru; he often found himself daydreaming or thinking about his twin whenever he wasn't around. He even would talk about him to Haruhi.

_Baby, I'm a sociopath, sweet serial killer._

_On the warpath, 'cause I love you just a little too much. _

_love you just a little too much...much...much._

_You can see me, drinking cherry cola, sweet serial killer._

When Hikaru started noticing his own strange antics obsessing over his brother, he didn't know what it was about at first. He tried to think about other things like teasing Haruhi or their next prank on Tamaki. Much to his distress at the time, none of these worked. Hikaru even tried to ignore his twin in hoping that they would go away, but it seemed to only worsen with dreams and fantasies.

_I left a love note, said you know I love the thrill of the rush...rush...rush._

_You send me right to heaven._

_Sweet serial killer, I guess I'll see him over._

_I love you just a little too much._

_Love you just a little too much, much._

By the time he accepted the fact of being in love with Kaoru, the said twin was beginning to distance himself.

_Just have fun, wanna play you like a GameBoy._

_Don't you want one?_

_What's the thrill of the same toy?_

_La la, la la la, la la... La la lie down, down._

_Just have fun, wanna play you like a GameBoy._

_Don't you want one?_

_What's the thrill of the same toy?_

The reason why was beyond him. Hikaru had asked and pleaded for him to confess what was troubling him, but the younger brother said nothing. He denied anything being wrong with him and told him it was all in his head.

_La la, la la la, la la... La la lie down, down, down._

_Ugh._

Hikaru had even considered the possible ways of why Kaoru was doing this. Was it because of him ignoring him those couple days, even though he apologized excessively? Was it because Kaoru wanted something else now? Was it because Kaoru thought they needed - dare he say it - to be more independent?

_You can see me, drinking cherry cola, sweet serial killer._

_I left a love note, said you know I love the thrill of the rush._

_You know I love the thrill of the rush...rush...rush...rush._

_You send me right to heaven._

Of course, none of these were right. He'd asked and Kaoru told him no, and gave him the same answer as before. But those times Hikaru could sense a bit of truth in his words.

_Sweet serial killer, I guess I'll see him over._

_Do it for the thrill of the rush. _

_Love you just a little too much, much._

_You send me right to heaven._

Whatever the problem was, Hikaru just wanted it to go away. He wanted to be able to be with his twin again like before. He wanted to love him and hold him in his arms for himself, but he knew he could've have that. At least not yet.

_Sweet serial killer, I guess I'll see him over._

_I love you just a little too much._

_Love you just a little too much, much._

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**And there you have it! Hikaru's side! Oh, and yeah I changed the summary, title, and picture. I just felt like the previous ones were all based on the first chapter and I didn't like that. I want it neutral so the other chapters could fit the theme, too. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. Please and thank you!:)**

**-For My Personal Pleasure**


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